Marriage & Manhood: A Man Shall Cling

Our wedding

As the Christmas break ended, I ran across this fantastic column titled "Marriage and Manhood" by Msgr. Charles Pope on the website of the Archdiocese of Washington. Until now, I've had it bookmarked but hadn't taken the time to share it.

He begins:

Among the measures of mature manhood that God Himself sets forth is faithful, stable, committed marriage. After observing, It is not good for the man  to be alone (Gen 2:18)  God says ….A man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife and the two of them shall become one flesh.  Thus God indicates an essential description of manhood. This is what a MAN does. Three things are taught here...

And he continues by elaborating upon three points:

1. A mature man recognizes that it is not good, not healthy, for him to remain alone and unattached.
2. Having properly sought a wife he marries her and leaves his parents to establish a home.
3. A man clings to his wife.

He does so quite well, I might add. Be sure to check it out when you get a chance.

I will admit that I've been thinking a lot lately about #3, "A man clings to his wife." Monsignor Pope writes: "That is to say, a man works hard to preserve unity with his wife. He manfully addresses any threats to that unity. 'Cling' is actually a very strong word. It means to stick like glue. A man says to his wife, 'Honey if you ever leave me I’m going with you.' Too many men are passive husbands." (Emphasis mine.)

I thought about that again today when a friend posted on Facebook: "'Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid' Harlan Miller What do all you think?"

Whereas one friend (another husband) responded (jokingly, I believe): "I'm not saying," my response was more lengthy:

"I think that the things that add bricks to the wall between husband and wife need to be said, gotten into the open, and talked through. Couples truly in love won't approach this with hateful words or thoughts, but in the honest spirit of trying to maintain an open and honest relationship. Leaving things unsaid only builds up a wall of isolation from each other over time, and eventually builds resentment, detachment, and hurt."

Okay. So I surprised myself a bit with that response, and I believe it shows how much I've "grown up" as my marriage has grown.

Five years ago, as a newlyweds, I know that I wrongly approached a few situations with a little bit of mudslinging to try to drive my point home. I quickly realized that there was no love in that action, and it didn't get me anywhere I wanted to be.

It became more and more obvious that the answer was to say what needed to be said in true love for one another, but to do so in true love for one another meant to do so charitably.

After all, in what's arguably the most common reading at weddings (and provided the basis for our first dance song at our wedding), St. Paul gives the formula: "Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." (Again, emphasis mine.)

Today, I do everything I can to ensure there are no bricks starting to form a wall between Suzanne and me before bed each night. In fact, I do everything I can to remove any bricks that may have fallen into place as quickly as possible as each day progresses. And I do that without resorting to underhanded comments or bringing up things that don't really matter.

That's my advice - for today at least  - to my fellow husbands who've been married less than 5 years. I bet those who've been married longer could share even more advice with me.

I do everything I can to cling to Suzanne, every minute of every day. It's not always easy, but I do my best, in word, deed, and thought. I take it as my biblical obligation as a husband and the cornerstone of a successful ongoing marriage.

No related posts.