Update on a Parting

Today a friend mentioned that he was really following my updates on our parish's pastor, Father Larry, departing this last weekend. So I figured I owed the "regular readers" here an update on my thoughts & feelings.

The Masses this weekend were really tough (and I was at both 4 PM on Saturday and 10:30 on Sunday, as I do music at both.) 10:30 was the hardest for sure, as it was his last Mass with us.

But after Mass, I felt a sense of peace that I hadn't expected. In a sense, the "cord was cut", you might say. The Holy Spirit needed us to share Father Larry with the rest of the Church, and needed us to move out from under his caring wing and move on to a new pastor.

So now we look forward to meeting our new pastor, Father Jeffrey Holtman. From all we've heard and read, we're really excited.

Thanks again for all of the thoughts and prayers - especially the many very touching private messages and emails you sent.

And please keep in your prayers all of the parishes that are experiencing moves of pastors (this is the time of year for that, after all) and all of the priests who are moving and adjusting.

From St. Augustine’s Confessions

One of my favorite pieces of writing; one that has touched me most deeply in my life. It always reminds me of my transition back, after years of wandering and exploring, to finding the fullness of the revelation of God in Christ Jesus...

Urged to reflect upon myself, I entered under your guidance the innermost places of my being; but only because you had become my helper was I able to do so. I entered, then, and with the vision of my spirit, such as it was, I saw the incommutable light far above my spiritual ken and transcending my mind: not this common light which every carnal eye can see, nor any light of the same order; but greater, as though this common light were shining much more powerfully, far more brightly, and so extensively as to fill the universe. The light I saw was not the common light at all, but something different, utterly different, from all those things. Nor was it higher than my mind in the sense that oil floats on water or the sky is above the earth; it was exalted because this very light made me, and I was below it because by it I was made. Anyone who knows truth knows this light.

O eternal Truth, true Love, and beloved Eternity, you are my God, and for you I sigh day and night. As I first began to know you, you lifted me up and showed me that, while that which I might see exists indeed, I was not yet capable of seeing it. Your rays beamed intensely on me, beating back my feeble gaze, and I trembled with love and dread. I knew myself to be far away from you in a region of unlikeness, and I seemed to hear your voice from on high: "I am the food of the mature: grow, then, and you shall eat me. You will not change me into yourself like bodily food; but you will be changed into me."

Accordingly I looked for a way to gain the strength I needed to enjoy you, but I did not find it until I embraced the mediator between God and man, the man Christ Jesus, who is also God, supreme over all things and blessed for ever. He called out, proclaiming I am the Way and Truth and the Life, nor had I known him as the food which, though I was not yet strong enough to eat it, he had mingled with our flesh, for the Word became flesh so that your Wisdom, through whom you created all things, might become for us the milk adapted to our infancy.

Late have I loved you, O Beauty ever ancient, ever new, late have I loved you! You were within me, but I was outside, and it was there that I searched for you. In my unloveliness I plunged into the lovely things which you created. You were with me, but I was not with you. Created things kept me from you; yet if they had not been in you they would not have been at all. You called, you shouted, and you broke through my deafness. You flashed, you shone, and you dispelled my blindness. You breathed your fragrance on me; I drew in breath and now I pant for you. I have tasted you, now I hunger and thirst for more. You touched me, and I burned for your peace.

- St. Augustine, Confessions

Reflections on a Parting

[Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/patrick-smith-photography/3431233355/]

Well, the cat's out of the bag, as they say, so I can share some of my thoughts and feelings on what generated this update on Facebook yesterday:

Thanks, by the way, for all of your warm words of support and prayer, and your messages sent in private. I have felt very warmly the touch of your thoughts & prayers. And they have contributed to the reflection that yields this post.

Our Pastor is Leaving

Today or tomorrow, the parishioners of our parish - Holy Family Parish - will receive in the mail a letter from our pastor, Father Larry Brunette, explaining that he is resigning from that role effective June 1, so this is his last weekend with us.

In his letter he gives a glimpse into why he's leaving and explains why his departure from the parish is so sudden.

Here's an Adobe PDF version of the letter, in case you haven't received yours or are interested in reading it here.

This Hurts

I remember a few times in life that a parting has hurt so badly that I could almost taste the hurt. Some of them seem silly now.

I remember the first time I bought my own "real" car and I moved the last of my things out of my first car.

I remember the end of each of the nine summers I worked on summer camp staff, moving out of my cabin and heading home, leaving friends but taking memories.

I remember saying goodbye to "Chief," my favorite dog.

I remember leaving an era during load out, the morning after a play I had written had influenced the lives of 7,000 of my brothers.

I remember 8th grade graduation and high school graduation, moving out of my parents' house for the first time, and subsequently moving out of my first apartment.

I remember saying goodbye to my grandma one last time.

Meeting Father Larry

Eight years ago, my close friends Sam & Cheri invited me back to church. At the time, I was living in Collinsville (about 15 minutes from here) and there was a newer priest at their parish who they thought I'd relate to. So I went to Mass with them.

I met Father Larry that day.

And in a short meeting, I was inspired by him. He had been a married man, a computer salesman, and had raised a family. And when his wife passed away, he pursued a calling he had perceived as a young boy, and became a priest as a second vocation.

That was Father Larry's last day at their church. He explained that he was heading to Holy Family in Granite City to be their new pastor. That was my home parish from my childhood and hometown!

The next weekend, I was back home at Holy Family.

Father Larry's Role in my Journey

Over the coming months after coming home to Holy Family, I got back into music ministry and eventually was asked to become a music director and lead our contemporary ensemble.

One Wednesday night, I was at the church practicing with the Ensemble and stayed for 7 PM Mass. And this girl came in. Her name was Suzanne.

Suzanne and I had grown up together at our parish grade school and in high school (she was a year ahead of me.) We had been on the speech team and in plays together. She was the girl I thought would never be interested in me.

But after re-meeting in that chance moment in our home church 8 years ago, we started talking and going out and catching up on old times.

And today we're married.

Father Larry prepared us for marriage, became an integral part of who we are as a couple, presided at our wedding, and Baptized our children.

He brought friends and family into the Church. In the 8 years he's been here, he has buried close to 400 of our fellow parishioners. His impact extends well beyond our own family, but deep into the fabric of many of the families in our parish and in our sister parishes here in Granite City.

What an impact one man can have!

Most importantly, between the Jesuit priests at SLU and Father Larry, I've learned over the last several years something very important. They've added a layer of "heart" to the faith of my "head" and intellect that I had falled back on as a boy and young man. I credit Father Larry with helping to point me to this faith of the heart that has made me a better man, husband, and dad.

Turn, Turn, Turn

Each parting opens the door to new opportunity.

Right?

This week has brought confusion. Then anger and frustration. And then hurt. Can't ignore the hurt.

But finally, it brought peace and prayer.

We're going to miss him. Selfishly, not just as a parish. But our family will miss him. Our boys love him. They're confused and sad.

But there's comfort.

Our Faith

We believe in the Church that Christ started. We believe in the presence of the Holy Spirit, gently guiding these mere mortal men we call bishops, who are the successors of the Apostles. We believe that "everything happens for a reason," and that the next man sent to shepherd us and our community of faith will be the man we need, here and now.

As hard as this might be for us, it's also hope-filled. And that's the spirit I want to share with my friends in our parish in the coming days and weeks.

Father Larry will be missed. And we will pray for him as he discerns where the Spirit and Church are calling him to minister next. But we await our next shepherd, and what God has in store to teach us through his love and guidance and wisdom and teaching.

As a friend said today, this is an opportunity for us to all remember that God is firmly in control, that He knows what is best for us more than any of us can imagine. And that we need to remember to rely first and foremost on Him, and then to trust the ministers he sends our way.

Each goodbye leaves an open door. Each parting leaves an open path. And each of our individual paths - even as they converge and diverge - leads toward the eternal home where we'll never part again.

The wind was knocked from my sails for just a moment. Then I remembered that as long as we have the courage to hoist our sails, God will provide the wind. And we sail onward.

PS: Please keep Father Larry in your prayers. Our community has the strength to support one another as we meet our new pastor and settle into the future our parish life holds. But Father departs on his own, needing our prayers and friendship, and support more than ever.